You know the drill: It’s Christmas. Relatives are due over any moment. Your mum’s told you that one relative (who shall not be named because this is a true anecdote and t’would be improper of me to divulge) has bought you a dress. Fine. Cool. Dresses are nice. I’d prefer nipple tassels or embellished hosiery (or should that be ‘ho ho hosiery’) but, on the whole, I like dresses. Also, it’s creepy for family to buy you hosiery. “No,” your mum says, “You won’t like this one… You’ll have to fake it.” Right. Engaging Gift Face in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…
So that’s exactly what I did. I faked it. I slapped on my gracious Gift Face and bowled everyone over with my acting prowess. In the name of giving, here are some examples of expressions and gestures you can deploy this Chrimbo. ‘Tis the season to werk on your Gift Face, my friend…
The ‘Across-The-Room Recognition’ Face
Deploy this: when your living room is crammed full of people and your present giver is at least three people away from you. Use this wisely, because it’s the only time silent acknowledgement will suffice.
The ‘Less Is More’ Face
Deploy this: if you’re a man or woman of few words. The sincerity here lays in the bouncy brow; a simple yet effective means of conveying emotion. The furrowed brow, however, must be saved for when no one is looking. If you’re known for being a chatterbox, this is not the gift reaction gif for you. They’ll smell a rat immediately.
The ‘More Is Less’ Face
Deploy this: if your personality type can only be described as ‘theatrical’. And by ‘more is less’, I mean ‘more is less obvious because you are over-dramatic by nature and they’ll expect no less than a Oscar-worthy reaction performance, regardless of how truly shitty the gift is’.
The ‘Gushing’ Face
Deploy this: when you are as adorable as Emma Watson. Only a face this angelic can pull off a reaction this sweet without appearing contrived. (On a side note, I don’t even want to tell you what came up when I typed ‘gushing gif’ into Google.)
The ‘Avert Their Attention With A Forceful Hug’ Face
Deploy this: when the present is literally so bad that you have no choice but to hide your face from view and resort to forcefully, albeit affectionately, rugby tackling them to the ground. Although I must advise that you don’t do this to the elderly or the already injured.
Right, so, we cool? Got your faces fine-tuned? I feel like I’ve gotta say, in the name of being a gracious and grateful human, that all presents are great presents by the very nature that someone you love is giving them to you. But, if we’re totally honest with ourselves (I pride myself on honesty, after all), some presents are borderline tragic. Because of that regretful truth, we must all pledge to give the gift of Gift Face this Christmas.
Thank me later. Preferably with a present that I’ll really, really love.