I Tried On All The New Clothes In Monki So You Don’t Have To

I’m going to level with you: fewer things light my fire more than trying on fresh threads. In man-candy terms, Ryan Gosling is but an ember compared to the blaze that burns within me when a clothing order is involved. Gosling ‘Hey Girl’ing’ his way to my front door? Sure, I’m down to clown. (It’s Ryan Gosling, guys; I’m not exactly going to send him away.) Dave, the DPD driver, pulling up outside my gaffe? HUBBA HUBBA. With that in mind, trying on Monki’s exquisite new garb was a more than pleasurable experience. But I’m not just a receiver, I’m a giver, too; so here, for your eyes only, is a definitive list of Monki funkiness your wardrobe needs right now. You are welcome.

1. One Piece Wonder

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Behold, the silky shirt. You may be thinking, ‘Cool, yeah, I like shirts’ but I’m going to need you to get a little more enthusiastic, for this isn’t just a shirt: it’s everything. Literally and figuratively. Does your 9-9 lifestyle require you to slip into something a little sassier post-work? Untuck this bad boy from your trews and team with heels. BOOM! In need of a silky jacket? Keep it unbuttoned. Fancy fashioning yourself a jazzy headscarf? Wrap it round your head ten times and…kidding. Kinda.

2. Game On

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While nipple pasties might not be part of your athleisure aesthetic, they’re most definitely a part of mine. Either way, maximising the mesh marvel that is this embroidered tee (via the medium of a cute bra or strappy crop) is always a stellar idea.

3. After Dark Affair

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If you’re in possession of a slip dress and a camo jacket, you’ve basically got the world at your feet. If you haven’t, may I suggest the above. Mix and match this unlikely combo and prepare to receive, ‘Ooh!’s and ‘Aah!’s aplenty from onlookers. You’re just so fashun, y’know?

4. Nana’s Curtains

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2K16 was the year we well and truly raided granny’s attic – hi-jacking her trophy jackets and leaving her with nothing but her namesake pants – and the raid continues for 2K17: including, but not limited to, this lavender lace skirt.

4. KAPOW-ski!

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No, you’re not looking at Zack Morris. It’s me! Daisy! I swung by Bayside High on the way to tell you that mum jeans and a graphic tee are your gateways to outfit excellence. GTG, got a date with Kelly at the Max.

5. Business On The Bottom

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Business on the bottom, party on the top, amirite?! A little lace never hurt nobody, especially when it comes in the form of this high-neck, sheer-panelled crop.

6. Bargain Balenciaga

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If I told you that you could recreate Balenciaga’s off-the-shoulder bomber for less than £50, would you believe me? No? Smart. I wouldn’t believe me either. Except, you totally can. Bag this swoon-worthy maroon bomber and unzip it just a lil’ bit, affixing it to your tatas with tit tape. Et voila! You’re basically Bella Hadid.

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