Self-Love VS Self-Loathing (feat Missguided)

Odd title, sure. Intended to inform that this is both a think-piece and outfit post; the whole kit-kaboodle, baybeh!

I momentarily considered not publishing these photos, ’cause my mind was all “Holy fuck, Daisy, look at your paunch! These trousers looked so much more flattering in the confines of my dimly-lit house. Oh Jesus, you can see the rippling of my cellulite, too. Well fan-fucking-tastic. And – yup – that’s definitely my thong on show. Reminder to oneself: camel is not your colour. Kamel is Kim K’s colour. Keep it that way.” and then my mind was all “FUCK THAT SHIT, Y’ALL! These are your legs – cellulite and all. Cellulite which, may I add, is probably a result of all that chocolate consumption. Remember how happy you were ’bout eating all that salted caramel galaxy? Let those gentle ripples serve as a steadfast reminder of all the times you have gleefully guzzled down chocolate and tea. And that paunch is also, probably, a by-product of that feasting, too. Happy times, all round. And as for the thong, well, you could’ve gone commando but you’d have had a camel in the shot and, lest we forget what we’ve learnt today, you ain’t so keen on camel.”

Such is the mindset when trawling through hundreds of photos of yourself: pleasantly surprised at the complimentary angle vs horrified by – what you convince yourself must be – the reality. I’m not a model, nor am I a sportsman; my body isn’t honed and toned and trained to serve a particular purpose. My body is a very useful vessel within which I carry my soul (and internal organs, obvz), and what I’ve learnt since starting a blog is that it’s my soul that needs to be nurtured, and not the demonic little voice in the back of my mind that points out how obtrusive and vulgar my paunch is. The wonderful (and polite) amongst you would hurriedly say “Daisy, don’t be fucking ridiculous, you look absolutely *fiiiine*” and there’s zero doubt in my mind that you’d mean every word. So, why then do we not apply that same kindness to ourselves? Why are we so quick to criticise where others compliment?
I rush to gush over the unquestionable beauty of my pals, even in the face of their dismissive horror of their – well – face, because I just don’t *see* what they see. I’m guessing the same can probably be said for how you conduct yourself with pals, too. But the fact of the matter is that there’s a teeny tiny voice in the back of our minds that thrives off of our own self-destructive negativity, and that little voice can spread far and wide. Similarly, the same treacherous voice can work in reverse; spreading toxicity in the direction of others in order to appease our own narcissism. Unsure if you’ve ever fallen victim to the poisonous little scallywag? Ask yourself whether you’ve ever-so-slightly revelled in an unfortunate photo of an ex’s girlfriend, or maybe you’ve felt bizarre contentment once digging two-hundred photos deep through an old friends tagged photos and establishing that she’s ‘lost it’ (whatever the fuck ‘it’ is), or maybe you’ve had a chinwag with friends and one of you has dropped the weight-bomb: “Is it just me orrrrr has she got a *bit* bigger?”. It’s gross, and I shudder every time I ever recall myself acting so horrifically, all in order to boost my own esteem. The fact of the matter is that we shouldn’t need to knock others down in order to build ourselves up; it’s not cool, it makes you look like a douche and it serves no purpose whatsoever. It’s true what they say: ‘beauty is only skin deep’, but I think we need to redefine beauty altogether. Beauty needn’t be skin deep – beauty can be the glorious culmination of kindness and goodness and quality of character and just generally being a fucking ace individual. And I think it’s high-time we start focusing on harnessing and building our beauty. Convincing yourself that Joanne Bloggs is a monster does nothing but prove that there is, most definitely, a monster in the room; and that monster, my precious, is you. Be kind to others, be kind to yourself and sprinkle positivity everywhere you tread. Sprinkle that shit so damn hard. Even in the face of your enemies; that’ll really piss ’em off.

“If you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”

missguided_camel_flares_crochet_halter_top_white_birkenstock_arizona_sandals missguided_camel_flares_crochet_halter_top_white_birkenstock_arizona_sandalsmissguided_camel_flares_crochet_halter_top_white_birkenstock_arizona_sandals missguided_camel_flares_crochet_halter_top_white_birkenstock_arizona_sandals missguided_camel_flares_crochet_halter_top_white_birkenstock_arizona_sandalsMissguided Crochet Halterneck / Missguided Camel Flares / Arizona Birkenstocks

8 Comments

  1. Some Guy
    27th May 2015 / 8:21 am

    Love this

    • pieandfash
      27th May 2015 / 9:39 pm

      Thank you, kind stranger! x

  2. 27th May 2015 / 9:59 am

    You’re totally on my wavelength Daisy cakes! We’re hard wired to be self critical- sometimes it’s justified but most of the time it’s sooooo not….I definitely don’t see said paunch or cellulite of which you speak here! Strut proud girly…and I’m hovering over buying these trousers myself but in pink, great minds and all that xx

    • pieandfash
      27th May 2015 / 9:41 pm

      Darling, you are too kind! The trousers are incredibly comfortable so I’d definitely recommend you purchase. And yes, we must all learn to be much kinder to ourselves, and to others. xxxx

  3. 2nd June 2015 / 4:46 am

    OMG this post is amazing, everything is so true. Pictures can affect my mood/self-esteem so badly, let’s say I’m enjoying a moment at a party, take pics, then look at them, if I see one of me that is very unflattering, I’m thinking “omg, so that is what everyone is seeing when they look at me… Why did I wear these ?…” and I just go on a couch and can’t enjoy the party anymore. You can’t see yourself through someone else’s eyes so when you see a bad picture, you think it’s the reality and I always do, they have a negative power on me, but never a positive one. It’s easy to think “fuck them all” but the reality is far more difficult, better said than done. At least, by blogging, one can learn their good & bad sides and picture editing (as long as it’s not too crazy, too visible). I often wonders how it feels like to be this or this girl, thinking “she can’t hate a single thing about her, so perfect !” and fore sure, it’s easier to be kind to others (if I have bad feelings, I keep them to myself, not to hurt the person), there’s probably a reason to it, like some judgy persons you had around you or a bad critic or even knowing how you react about other people (even in your head, it’s still there, so people must do the same too)… It’s very refreshing to read a piece like this. And I have to say it’s even better because 1) your style is so strong and awesome and 2) you can tell from my own eyes, I love those pants on you and how you wear them. 😉

    http://i-think-its-today.blogspot.com/

    • pieandfash
      3rd June 2015 / 9:33 am

      Hey Adeline! Thank you for this glorious passage! I’m so sorry to hear that you’re easily affected by photos but you must always remember exactly what you said: you can’t see yourself through someone else’s eyes. We are our own worst enemies and we know exactly what flaws to look for when we’re scouring the latest batch of photos! I know instantly to look for my stomach, my thighs and my chin because those are the things that I’m most aware of, so if they look anything other than perfect you can bet that I’m freaking out and feeling whack about myself! You are rad and beautiful and you have the most sensational mermaid hair I’ve ever seen and you should spend more time reminding yourself of all your brilliant qualities instead of fuelling the little devil who convinces us you’re anything but WONDERFUL! Thank you for your lovely, loooovely words xxx

      • 1st November 2015 / 8:50 pm

        Omg, just saw that you replied to my comment, THANK YOU, your words touch me, everything you said is true, again and I’m the first one to know it and it’s always the kind of advices I give people but I can never follow my own advices because it’s so much more easier to give them. I’ve always compared myself to everyone around me, and now everyone on the internet, that’s a toxic thing to do but I’m always wondering if this will change as it’s like a (bad) part of me, I don’t know how to explain this, it became a “routine” to compare myself but it’s not healthy for sure. I guess (hope) it will go away with age and wisdom. I admire people with confidence (confidence but not full of themselves), I think it’s an amazing quality to have, as long as you’re not overlooking/belittle people because I know girls with great confidence but they kinda make everything about them.
        I appreciate the fact that you took your time to help a stranger feel better (and ahah mermaid hair, I’m surprised by this), I’ll remember your kind words.
        I love your blog, it’s a powerful one to read because of all the topics you cover and how you do it. Definitely one that can help your readers. xxxx

        • 1st November 2015 / 8:50 pm

          I NEED to stop begining my comments by “omg” ahah*

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