Ever felt like you’re in a world-wide web of replication? Finding it hard to differentiate one fashun blogger from another? You could be suffering with a case of Blog Fog: a haziness that sets in upon witnessing the seventh photo featuring a pair of perfectly distressed, ripped jeans, offset with a classic Chanel bag and some Tony Bianco lace-up heels. Nude, rounded-off nails, optional.
peacocking (noun) 1. Ostentatious dress or behaviour employed by a man in an attempt to impress women. (via wiki)
2. The art of dressing like a mutha-fluffin’ boss in order to beguile onlookers. (But mainly just ’cause doing so gives us the good feels.)
It’s the day we’ve all been waiting for. That beautiful ASOS email slinkily slides its way into your inbox and you frantically click the link that sends you into the eye of the sartorial storm. ⚡️??????
(Relevance of the photo? I’m wearing head-to-toe ASOS, betches! Outfit deets within.)
In which I confront the bizarre high-school conformity of the Jane Norman paper bag and explain why confidence is key. (P.S. Is it just me or is Jane Norman thee most standard name on earth? Who calls a shop that? Same goes for the furniture store, Paul Simon. I appreciate it being your namesake but c’mon guys, spice it up a bit!)
‘FUCK, how do I pose?! Mustn’t look at the cam. That never works out well for me. THE FLOOR! That’s it! LOOK AT THE FLOOR! All bloggers do it. It’s fine. Just act like there’s something real tasty down there. Maybe a 20 nugget box is waiting for you out of shot. That’s right. Now touch your face to suggest you’ve been captured in action. Deep and meaningful, Daisy. A-ha! NAILED IT.’